So, last year, I lived at this place called the Mission for several weeks. When I first got there, it was dark outside–and in the stairwells (some of the lights weren’t working). I walked through this long, bare, wide hallway. And then I went through this odd, unfinished area. (with strangers, mind you.) It was slightly creepy. One of the girls told me I’d love the Mission, which I had planned to all along–but that first impression left me doubting whether or not I really would.
Finally, I we got to the room I’d be staying in. And… the bathroom door in my room (which was shared with two girls who didn’t really talk much and didn’t seem too thrilled at my presence) didn’t close. Not didn’t lock–didn’t close. The knob even fell off to emphasize this point.
However, the next morning, I woke up to a brilliant pink light on the wall–out the window I looked, and saw one of the most beautiful sunrises I’ve ever seen.
Also, two Willow trees.
Later, we got the Tour.
And there was a chapel.
And all kinds of other cool and unique things.
And…Turns out she was right. I did love the Mission, after all.
In fact, I loved it so much that I’ve lost track of how many dreams I’ve had about it since. Also, I used this picture of me at the Mission as my profile picture on the about page on this blog. 😛
And sometimes, I really, really miss it. Today, it’s especially on my mind–because I would be there today. That is, I’d be there if I had more than $4.58. And if I had God’s blessing. But… it was not meant to be, not this time.
And in a really weird sort of way, I’m almost glad. Because I know that it’s not really the Mission that I miss, exactly. Even if I went to the Mission, I’d still feel like I missed something else. Even if I was near every person I miss, and even if I got to be in all the places I miss at once (supposing that were physically possible, ahem.) I’d still be missing something. Because deep inside, what I really miss is Home. Heaven.
What I really miss is the time when everything was perfect, when people didn’t leave, hurt each other, go to prison, live across the ocean, or die. When no one was hurting and everyone was happy.
I really miss that.
The weird thing is that I’ve never experienced it.
And I’m not the only one who pines for the “good old days”. Some think that they were only a few years ago, or a few hundred years ago–but, really, when it all comes down to it, we know those days weren’t good either. They were as bad as these. People were still sinners. We still weren’t Home.
This longing, missing, looking for something we’ve never even experienced is a common human trait. Some people bury it, or try to ignore it. But it’s there.
The Germans call it “Sehnsucht”. We don’t know what to call it, so we just say, “I’m okay.” (This is one of those areas where the English language is greatly lacking. Anyone care to make up a word for this thing?)
Recently, I had a particularly strong bout of this feeling–and it was quite troubling. That is, until I realized what a blessing it really is… Sehnsucht causes me to remember things like this:
For here we have no continuing city, but we seek the one to come. Hebrews 13:14
These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland. Hebrews 11:13-14
If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:1-3