So, I’ve been learning a lot, or at least struggling a lot. But mainly I’ve been realizing how hard I try and how stressed and worried I can get, and how tightly I hold on to things.

I’ve just been talking to my sister, working through some things out loud and hearing her stories of how God has taught her, and how she’s grown and learned to rest, learned what grace means. And I’ve heard it all before, I know it in my head, but yet too often I forget. It’s just the little things, you know–waiting for a text, or getting lost, or an out of control sibling–and I’m all stressed and worried. It’s hard to remember to trust God during those times, to let go and realize it’s all about Him anyway, and no matter how things look down here, no matter how crazy it gets, He is still there, still good.

Even when I don’t feel it.

Because often I don’t; I get caught up in whatever it is and I feel like He’s far away or maybe He’s not really real, or maybe He is but He doesn’t really care. For me.

But He does. Even if I don’t feel like it. How do I know? The Bible tells me so.

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

I’ve been through a lot, and I’ve been using that as a sort of excuse of why I’ve been like this… but in thinking back, really, God proved Himself so faithful that I have no excuse for not trusting Him. Yeah, it was hard, and there were a lot of things that were confusing, but all throughout I saw His hand.

So… I guess this is basically a post of sharing where I’m at right now, and asking for prayer. I can’t say I’ve got this figured out, and I’m not going to say I’m working on it, ’cause I’ve been saying that all along and that’s exactly the trouble. I’ve been trying to force myself into shape by myself, and it doesn’t work like that. I’ve got to relax, and do what the verses says–cast it on Him.